Did Some Things You Can’t Speak Of…

Sorry. I keep using lyrics from songs as my post titles.

Unfortunately, that song “Innocent” keeps running through my head. And describes how I feel about myself. Only, I am not innocent at all. It does help (the song) for a few minutes at a time, though, so I’ll keep listening.

The hardest thing is that I didn’t realize how DAILY this would all be. I pictured recovery/relapse/recovery as a montage. I feel like a moron. It’s an uphill battle. Every. Single. Day. And it totally sucks.

Even people who have been through what I’m going through are hard to be around. When you fail around them… Wow. It’s doubly difficult. Because they won. They overcame. And you haven’t. Not quite.

The great thing about new days is that they’re new. You get a whole brand-spanking new, bright, shiny chance to be awesome. Or, another chance to fail. And that’s just how it is. You get a black and white world when you’re an addict. One or the other. That sucks, too.

So, as countless others before me, I will continue to take everything one day at a time. And continue to hope that each day will be a white hat, brilliant, amazing day. So far, so normal….

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~ by fattieconfessions on June 3, 2011.